Tuesday 24 January 2012

Regrets

Fortunately, I do not have many regrets but I do have two main ones that come back to haunt me to this day. I do occasionally remember damaging my brother's toy and regretting it but the following two are regrets that have consumed me to such a whole extent that if I could somehow change what I have done, I would go back in time and act differently.

I did not invite many of my engineering classmates for my wedding. It would have been great, if I had married much later but I was one of the few who got married within 3 years of our graduation and I was still in touch with most of them when I did not invite them. I had liked a guy in my college who had dumped me and I did not want him to know I was getting married. Looking back, it really would not have mattered as he and I were not really in talking terms or anything and he would never have attended my wedding even if I had invited him along, but the 23 year old me did not invite the rest of my class for that one guy would know I was getting married and I did not want to spend my wedding day in fear of knowing that he might attend it and tease me in front of my husband that I had liked him like a dog all through college. But, in that immature decision, I lost friends - not people that I miss on a daily basis. But when they meet up occasionally to catch up, it always comes down to the fact that I did not invite them to my wedding, and there is always a hesitation whether or not to invite me to theirs. This is a mistake I will always regret because after all we get married once in a lifetime and I should have invited them..

The other regret I have is that, when my aunt died of severe health problems, I probably stayed to comfort my cousin for a total of 30 mins and I did not even wait to see the body come out of the post-martem. I was upset that she had died and due to a small disagreement with my cousin ( the one who had just lost her mom)'s attitude, I decided to not attend her funeral. I realized my mistake days later and tried my level best to cheer her up the entire year as she coped with feeling alone and lost , our relationship has not been the same. She doesn't need to mention it and I do not need to mention it either, but underneath our superficial "hi, how are you?" we both know that I did not bid her mom good-bye when she had moved on from this life and she knows tat I was not there for her at her most vulnerable state.

Today, as I sit at home pregnant, thinking about the kind of child I want to raise , I humbly realize that these two mistakes are the greatest I have ever committed in my life, and there is nothing I can do to change them. Relationships are difficult to maintain as is. But when we make such mistakes, and we want to start over, it is even more difficult and I know I will carry these regrets to my grave!

1 comment:

  1. This is a mistake I will always regret because after all we get married once in a lifetime and I should have invited them..

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