trusting in the doctor...

Last year August, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts. I have always strived to be as healthy as I can be and so this came as quite a shock to me considering that my periods had always been regular. What I should have done back then, was to go to a doctor who was experienced in laproscopic surgeries and someone who would do a great job at it. Instead, I decided to get it done with the first doc (Dr. Vathsala) I met with. She was middle-aged (around 50..) and she seemed to have 35+ years in gynocolgy and obsterics. While I did go to an experienced doc, I did not go to a doc who was versed in latest technologies. I was immediately put on fertility treatments after my operation. No questions asked if I could wait or if I really wanted a kid at that moment. No questions asked if I was fertile or not ( I had never tried for a baby till then...). Instead the husband and Iwere told we needed to conceive as soon as possible to avoid further occurance of cysts. It was a conservative mindset, perhaps our first warning that we were with the wrong doc. The very fact that she was ready to put us on fertility meds without waiting to see if our bodies were fine and if we could conceive properly, that really should have been my first clue and I really should have not continued with the doc...

Instead, I bargained for extra time of 5 months where in Iwould try to conceive normally and if not, I would get back to her for more fertility meds. I was later told by others that people wait for a minimum of one year before trying to conceive naturally and then come to the conclusion as to whether or not one is fertile. I did not know that I could be fertile and still develop cysts on my ovaries. It was a period of misinformation and ignorance coupled with blind trust on the doctor who had operated on me. I did not want to change doctors assuming that since she was familiar with my case history, my different warning signals needed to be ignored. And which other doctor would take me in when I had already started consulting another one (turns out, quite a few doctors are open to the idea that I had consulted someone else and wanted a second opinion..)

I ended up pregnant. It was a natural process. In hindsight, I should have consulted a couple of doctors and decided on whom to go to for the actual beautiful process of pregnancy and childbirth. I did not do that. I decided to trust the doctor who had done my operation. She put me on 18 injections of HCG taken biweekly through out the first trimester , twice a day for four months of progesterone and folic acid. I had my doubts as to why I was taking all these medicines. I thought pregnancy was a natural process and one need not interfere so much. I was told that I had cysts so mine was not a normal pregnancy and that I could never ever hope to have a normal drug-free pregnancy. I believed this as well.

18 injections later, realization struck. My NT scan came out fine. But I was told to continue with the harmone tablets and I was put on calcium and iron tablets inspite of still being in the beginning of the fourth month. I finally realized I needed to take a second opinion on whether or not I could have a drug-free pregnancy. Today, I consulted Dr.Latha Venkatraman - someone who is quite well known in her field. And she convinced me that pregnancy is not a health condition that needs to be treated with medicines. She has given me hope that I can have a drug-free pregnancy once again. She has cut all the other meds I was taking and asked me to take only Folic Acid. I do not know whether to laugh or cry for the amount of drugs I have already put into my body so far. Iam happy I finally had the courage to change the doctors at the right time. Ihave two more trimesters to go and I am at a happier place.

I write this to give all those of you who suffer from PCOS and endometric cysts some hope. Not only can you get pregnant naturally, you can have a normal drug-free pregnancy as well - do not let any doctor convince you otherwise and inject you with drugs like I let them to.

Please learn something from my episode!

Weighty- issues

So how does one handle pregnancy in India ? I do not know... But in the last 4 months of being pregnant, I have made my share of mistakes that I would like to share so that someone else shall benefit from it. I had cysts on my ovaries and so having conceived so soon after the operation in itself is a blessing.. Now, my doc also believed this was a blessing and I had to sustain the kid full-term at ANY cost. Her word of advice : take bed rest for the first 3 months... Now, we all know the first month of pregnancy is the month we conceive ;) and of course, I was exercising all through that month. Coupled with the good-news of being pregnant and the advice to take bed rest , I ate (for 2 -as I was psychologically confident that my baby needed more food) and slept all through my second month of pregnancy. I ate my 3 course meals (2 times a day), hearty breakfast, and lousy snacks obtained mostly from the bakery ( everything having butter and cream..). It tasted good. It felt great to eat all the time with no exercise (I had also taken permission to work from home that month..). I ended up putting on 5 kgs on that one month.

That was when I knew something was not right. Today 2 months later, I am still trying to eat right and tell my body that I ate too much that month and I am sure that my 5 inch baby does not really need as much food as I am putting in... I went through a couple of blogs... And the only conclusion I have come to is that I DO need to exercise. Pregnancy is definitely not a health condition for me to stop exercising. My doctor, who I am sure meant well, was wrong. I do not need bed rest. All I need to do is be careful that I do not lift heavy things, climb stairs slowly but maintain at least a half hour of exercise every single day.

I ate better in the third month of pregnancy. Replaced bakery items with fruits. Munched fruits and fruit-juices everytime my baby (or my mind psychologically ) carved food. And exercised 2-3 times a week. The third month I had gained 1 kg. Which was kinda normal...

I am yet to exercise every single day... Though on an average with the onset of the 4th month and the end of the first trimester round the corner, I am exercising 4-5 times a week. I have hired a cook to help me with food-prep. She has promised to pack fresh fruits and salads for lunch apart from my daily dose of rice ,chappati and sabzi for lunch. At least with her ensuring that I eat right, I hope to limit my weight gain during the pregnancy.

I will be paying the cook Rs. !500/- from April onwards and this is a cut in my budget but then Ido need all the help I can need during this pregnancy. And one of the benefits of living in India in an upper middle class family is to be able to afford help. I am indeed fortunate to be here at this time. I know how hard it is for so many others, who have no help and are still able to somehow juggle office work and maintain a work-life balance with their spouse during pregnancy  which is so difficult as you are hit by so many pregnancy harmones. Ireally commend them.

I believe in being frugal. But comfort overrules every thing else. If a help in the form of a cook, results in me spending more on eating good food from home rather than splurging for food outside that is going to be unhealthy... then paying the cook Rs. 1500/- per month is more than worth it.

That's it from now! Do take care...

..how much do you spend to watch movies?

It is becoming increasingly expensive to watch movies in multiplexes where I live. Once a upon a time, movie theatres existed but where I live, everything has been replaced by multiplexes coupled with PVRs/Inox.. One movie ticket costs anywhere between 250 - 500 Rs. on a weekend. That is money wasted according to me because a couple of months later, Moserbaer brings out VCD versions of this movie for a meager amount of Rs. 60 - 70 and my husband and I can watch the same movie at the comfort of our home for 1/10th of the price of the movie tickets.(Note - the hubby and I are not fans of pirated movie cds, but when you can get original print with a little bit of wait at affordable prices, why give in to piracy?). Hardcore movie buffs would claim that the movie needs to be watched when it is released not 6 months later. But, I am not particular that way and I believe a few months wait coupled with reading movie reviews makes me decide if I want to watch that movie or not in the first place.

For example, when I read about the emotional Drama film "The Descendants" , even though it is making rounds in several award functions, I must say this genre is just not my type and I know I am not going to watch it. However, " The Artist " being a silent movie made in today's time and age is a movie that I would love to watch. It is my wedding anniversary next weekend, and I am contemplating going for the movie this weekend with my family. We have not watched a movie in a theatre for more than 2 years now and so this would be a treat for the entire family.

The husband and I are pretty home-bound people, tired from a long week at work and we prefer to stay at home during the weekends. So this will be a special treat for us to make an effort to go out and experience theatre-style digital sound effects after a long while. Me being the frugal person that I am, I have listed a relatively new multiplex that is situated in the outskirts of the city where I live - here the ticket price is slightly cheaper at Rs. 150 - 200 for weekend shows. Hence, I am guessing this is where we shall watch this movie.

On a related note, I saw "Break Ke Baad" movie this weekend. I know it has been a couple of months (more than 1 year?) since it has been released, but I could get hold of a print recently and I must say I enjoyed it. It was a full-on rom-com and it was a Saturday night well spent :) The next movie on my list is :Guzaarish - I bought the CD recently and I am yet to watch it..

That's it from me today, I hope you all had a great weekend too.. Happy Shivratri!

Regrets

Fortunately, I do not have many regrets but I do have two main ones that come back to haunt me to this day. I do occasionally remember damaging my brother's toy and regretting it but the following two are regrets that have consumed me to such a whole extent that if I could somehow change what I have done, I would go back in time and act differently.

I did not invite many of my engineering classmates for my wedding. It would have been great, if I had married much later but I was one of the few who got married within 3 years of our graduation and I was still in touch with most of them when I did not invite them. I had liked a guy in my college who had dumped me and I did not want him to know I was getting married. Looking back, it really would not have mattered as he and I were not really in talking terms or anything and he would never have attended my wedding even if I had invited him along, but the 23 year old me did not invite the rest of my class for that one guy would know I was getting married and I did not want to spend my wedding day in fear of knowing that he might attend it and tease me in front of my husband that I had liked him like a dog all through college. But, in that immature decision, I lost friends - not people that I miss on a daily basis. But when they meet up occasionally to catch up, it always comes down to the fact that I did not invite them to my wedding, and there is always a hesitation whether or not to invite me to theirs. This is a mistake I will always regret because after all we get married once in a lifetime and I should have invited them..

The other regret I have is that, when my aunt died of severe health problems, I probably stayed to comfort my cousin for a total of 30 mins and I did not even wait to see the body come out of the post-martem. I was upset that she had died and due to a small disagreement with my cousin ( the one who had just lost her mom)'s attitude, I decided to not attend her funeral. I realized my mistake days later and tried my level best to cheer her up the entire year as she coped with feeling alone and lost , our relationship has not been the same. She doesn't need to mention it and I do not need to mention it either, but underneath our superficial "hi, how are you?" we both know that I did not bid her mom good-bye when she had moved on from this life and she knows tat I was not there for her at her most vulnerable state.

Today, as I sit at home pregnant, thinking about the kind of child I want to raise , I humbly realize that these two mistakes are the greatest I have ever committed in my life, and there is nothing I can do to change them. Relationships are difficult to maintain as is. But when we make such mistakes, and we want to start over, it is even more difficult and I know I will carry these regrets to my grave!

Random things that DID happen

Well, it has been a while since I last wrote to you so let me fill you in.

Mom fell sick last December. She had to be operated on and now she is doing just fine. What started as an allergic reaction to some meds led to her being hospitalized thanks to the money-making mentalities of some doctors in India (or where I live ). Anyway, after that scare, she is more or less fine. She had a year end trip with her sisters to her home-town to meet her mom and she survived that just fine.

I, on the other hand, had a great trip in Delhi. Bought lots of sweaters for my extended family and must I say that the Taj Mahal was every bit as awe-inspiring as I had ever hoped it would be :) Perhaps, it was the best trip the husband and I have had since our wedding :) It is thus no wonder, that we ended up conceiving a child while we were there :)

Yup! you read that right! I returned from the trip only to find a BFP on my pee-stick two weeks later. :)

So, that's my big news!!!!

I have decided to keep my baby-news a secret for the moment. I have told my folks, in laws, one friend and at work, and a best friend :) But the rest of the family does not know, and I would like to keep this news to myself for a while!!

At least till I get to see my first scan and realize that everything is fine :) fingers crossed!!!

Ever since, I got the confirmation that I am pregnant , I have been very careful about what I eat, and I plan to stay healthy and eat right all through my pregnancy. I hope this plan stays in place..

Well, that's it for now, take care and before I forget, wish you all a happy new year!

Two Bite Brownies.

I believe that the simplest foods out there, are the ones that can be made with simple ingredients and eating raw makes you go back to the basics of food and dining. I absolutely loved this recipe  by Andrea and I had to try it. The only modification I made to it was make it into balls rather than brownie cupcake shapes. I also did not add walnuts ( i processed by almonds coarsely - and it had enough nutty-flavor that I did not need walnuts ). It came out really well, and even my husband who hates RAW sweets, devoured them :) I strongly recommend that you try this even though you might not really decide to turn raw/vegan anytime soon.

Weekend Ramblings

How was your weekend? Mine is going "Okay" so far. I ended up not being pregnant this month after all. Strangely, I am not too upset about it. I decided that I was putting too much pressure on myself and my body. The husband and I felt we should take a break for 3 months and just enjoy ourselves. We still have age on our sides(we both are in our late 20s) and there is still ample time to start a family. I believe that we will wait another 6 months at least before starting fertility meds. I want to lose some weight, become mentally prepared and not stress myself out as much as now, most importantly give my body time to get pregnant when it feels right instead of acting as desperate as I had been this last month. My doc told me yesterday that if I am as stressed out about pregnancy and PCOD as I am , I am never likely to get pregnant thanks to the stress. Thus, I have decided to let go. And a huge weight as gone out of my shoulders, and I am feeling better.

All the pent-up energy that I was focusing on to get pregnant? Well, I am using that to focus on my exercise :) So far, exercising everyday of December is working great. Today is Sunday and I ended up walking for one hour. It was great. I went out at 6 am and exercised till 7 10 am :) It was a great start to hopefully a great day today.

Unfortunately, my mom's not been keeping well. She might have to be hospitalized this week. We are doing some tests today and tomorrow the doc would let us know based on the tests whether she needs to be hospitalized or not. She vomited blood out two days ago and that is a sign that something is seriously wrong. Will keep you informed on how things work out on that front.

Also on Saturday afternoon, I went out for lunch with my gal pals. I wish, in retrospect, that I had voiced out my views stronger. It was decided that we would go to Little Italy to sample Italian food. Not only is this restaurant housed in a costlier part of town, but also having Italian food in India would cost more. Hence, I decided to go to a buffet with an Italian spread which would cost us Rs. 300/- per head including tax. I found that restaurant and booked a table for 4 there. But, one of my girl pals did not agree, she wanted to sample Little Italy at any cost and of course to another girl, Little Italy was near to her house. And so we went, we met, had a few drinks, ordered what we all felt like, ate it all, and 3 hours later, we ended up spending Rs. 800/- per head. When my husband and I go out to dinner with my inlaws, we spend Rs.800/-  to finance that entire meal. But on Saturday, my share alone was Rs.800/-. I knew that Little Italy would be costly and I was mentally prepared to pay Rs. 500/-. But when I saw the bill of Rs. 800/- as my share, I was less than amused.

This is not my idea of having a great time. I save half my monthly pay check every month and in some months I save much more. Spending Rs.800/- does not break my bank/wallet. But it is still not worth it. I strongly believe that this is not the kind of outing I would like to be part of in the future.

From next time, I will join these girls only if I know what would the cost be in advance (i.e a buffet restaurant with a fixed price irresp. of what we eat). I am not going to join if they go to a very classy restaurant. The time spent in the restaurant sampling the food is not worth the money spent no matter how much I enjoy the time I spend with these girls.

On Sunday, I had called my parents home for lunch. After her diagnostic tests were done, they came home and then we had a great time. We had our lunch, watched Venkatesh Kumar's private home recordings, a Malgudi Days episode :) and bits of Pather Panchali ( my favorite scenes are the ones with the old Aunt).

And thus, the weekend got over, with me spending Rs. 800/-  for one lunch, but otherwise it was a simple weekend with no money spent!