I believe that the worst state of being is feeling uncertain! With a baby on the way, and not knowing about the future of my career (how am I going to juggle work and home and baby and how much help/support do I get from family?) - life has become a series of uncertainties lined up in the near future. I know we get 10 months to prepare for the baby's arrival but how much planning can indeed help you to prepare for the arrival of another human being who is going to be completely dependent on you (THE MOM) for at least the next two years!
And so with the uncertainty, and my excessive behavioral trait to be well prepared in advance - I started planning early for my maternity leave and how I plan this year to unfold. The little one is supposed to arrive late august/early september and I have planned my maternity leave to start from August mid (2 weeks literally prior to my due date) - the first of a series of plans that I do not have a control of.
My next plan was to start working from home from April onwards. Luckily for me, my manager agreed and with close to 6 years of experience in the software industry , I could place demands such as I would like to work in office location only twice a week and it got approved in April when I was just 3 months pregnant. Could I go to work location each day? Yes, I am not an invalid. Did I need WFH facility to be approved so many months in advance? Nope, but I felt bliss. Another plan that went horribly wrong - because I was suddenly working more often from home with no one but the four walls of my home for company and lack of human interaction slowly creeping up with pregnancy mood swings leading to what most people state as Prenatal Depression - ultimately with me revoking the comfort I was given and me telling my boss that I would rather work 3 days at office location unless I am uncomfortable about it.
Another plan I made was to hire a cook sometime in the mid of March and while it was initially a bliss to have someone come and cook for you, it slowly led to cook issues of all kinds. Just because I had a cook coming in each day to cook for me, and people around me started treating me like I was 7 months pregnant and not 3 months back in April with WFH facility and a cook and a maid etc. I was suddenly left with the emotional state of mind of being an invalid when in reality I was just fine.
Today, at the 7th month of my pregnancy - I can still walk around the block lifting the weight of a week's worth of groceries/fruits/veggies; exercise for one hour which again means basic stretches and walking at a nearby park without feeling tired; have slight discomfort of the growing belly when I lie down; am perfectly capable to cook and clean after myself; and yet 2 months ago I felt I needed as much help as I could get just because I was pregnant.
It all boils down to the state of mind. Our mind behaves funny that way, and it can play tricks on us. If we believe that we can achieve anything at any state of physical being, that belief in itself carries us forward.
Believing that with a huge belly I cannot go to the work location to work in a cubicle on a computer where physically I just need to sit , code and deploy work at one location - my first mistake of assuming I could not work / be as productive as before just because I am pregnant.
Believing I could not travel each day to office in the office bus which is not only convenient because it picks/drops me at my doorstep, but also the best way for travel right now because my other colleagues have decided to forego the first seat for its extra leg space to the only pregnant lady on the bus (ME!) - my second mistake of assuming I was an invalid who could not travel : a restriction posed on to my mind by myself.
Believing I could not function at home and cook for 2 (DH and I) just because I was pregnant and hiring a cook only to please her at all times because somewhere deep inside me, I felt I needed the help was my third mistake. Today, the cook decided to leave because of yesterday's drama.
I kept thinking I am in this state of mind because I am pregnant, I am emotional because I am pregnant - because that is what was expected of me by the society - people around me asked me how I was doing and if I needed help - and I assumed I did. Even when I was perfectly capable, I felt I needed as much help as possible from people around me - and I was annoyed and upset with others when people did not help / things did not go my way; I was upset with myself that my independence had gone and now I was dependent on people, leading to a lot of emotional dependency on others when in reality I just needed to be assertive about the fact that I need not depend on half hearted favors from people around me when I could do things on my own - I am 7 months pregnant, I am not an invalid.
You can read so many personal/ self help books, practice meditation, but a problem can only be corrected when you know the root cause. Today, I understand that what I called pregnancy moodswings/depression is actually because somewhere deep down I had become emotionally dependent on others who took advantage of my emotional state of mind.
It is time for me to call my practical self to dominate my emotional self because enough is enough - I am a well educated person who earns and contributes more than her share of the household - and I need not become a mess just because there is uncertainty in the future with a baby in the picture. I wanted a child desperately, and this is the time to let go and enjoy the present for I will not be pregnant for much longer and I need to understand that life will change - but I will very much be in control of my life no matter what life throws at me. So starting today, I am hoping to consciously change my state of mind. After all, we can control our minds! It just takes some effort. Wish me luck!!
And so with the uncertainty, and my excessive behavioral trait to be well prepared in advance - I started planning early for my maternity leave and how I plan this year to unfold. The little one is supposed to arrive late august/early september and I have planned my maternity leave to start from August mid (2 weeks literally prior to my due date) - the first of a series of plans that I do not have a control of.
My next plan was to start working from home from April onwards. Luckily for me, my manager agreed and with close to 6 years of experience in the software industry , I could place demands such as I would like to work in office location only twice a week and it got approved in April when I was just 3 months pregnant. Could I go to work location each day? Yes, I am not an invalid. Did I need WFH facility to be approved so many months in advance? Nope, but I felt bliss. Another plan that went horribly wrong - because I was suddenly working more often from home with no one but the four walls of my home for company and lack of human interaction slowly creeping up with pregnancy mood swings leading to what most people state as Prenatal Depression - ultimately with me revoking the comfort I was given and me telling my boss that I would rather work 3 days at office location unless I am uncomfortable about it.
Another plan I made was to hire a cook sometime in the mid of March and while it was initially a bliss to have someone come and cook for you, it slowly led to cook issues of all kinds. Just because I had a cook coming in each day to cook for me, and people around me started treating me like I was 7 months pregnant and not 3 months back in April with WFH facility and a cook and a maid etc. I was suddenly left with the emotional state of mind of being an invalid when in reality I was just fine.
Today, at the 7th month of my pregnancy - I can still walk around the block lifting the weight of a week's worth of groceries/fruits/veggies; exercise for one hour which again means basic stretches and walking at a nearby park without feeling tired; have slight discomfort of the growing belly when I lie down; am perfectly capable to cook and clean after myself; and yet 2 months ago I felt I needed as much help as I could get just because I was pregnant.
It all boils down to the state of mind. Our mind behaves funny that way, and it can play tricks on us. If we believe that we can achieve anything at any state of physical being, that belief in itself carries us forward.
Believing that with a huge belly I cannot go to the work location to work in a cubicle on a computer where physically I just need to sit , code and deploy work at one location - my first mistake of assuming I could not work / be as productive as before just because I am pregnant.
Believing I could not travel each day to office in the office bus which is not only convenient because it picks/drops me at my doorstep, but also the best way for travel right now because my other colleagues have decided to forego the first seat for its extra leg space to the only pregnant lady on the bus (ME!) - my second mistake of assuming I was an invalid who could not travel : a restriction posed on to my mind by myself.
Believing I could not function at home and cook for 2 (DH and I) just because I was pregnant and hiring a cook only to please her at all times because somewhere deep inside me, I felt I needed the help was my third mistake. Today, the cook decided to leave because of yesterday's drama.
I kept thinking I am in this state of mind because I am pregnant, I am emotional because I am pregnant - because that is what was expected of me by the society - people around me asked me how I was doing and if I needed help - and I assumed I did. Even when I was perfectly capable, I felt I needed as much help as possible from people around me - and I was annoyed and upset with others when people did not help / things did not go my way; I was upset with myself that my independence had gone and now I was dependent on people, leading to a lot of emotional dependency on others when in reality I just needed to be assertive about the fact that I need not depend on half hearted favors from people around me when I could do things on my own - I am 7 months pregnant, I am not an invalid.
You can read so many personal/ self help books, practice meditation, but a problem can only be corrected when you know the root cause. Today, I understand that what I called pregnancy moodswings/depression is actually because somewhere deep down I had become emotionally dependent on others who took advantage of my emotional state of mind.
It is time for me to call my practical self to dominate my emotional self because enough is enough - I am a well educated person who earns and contributes more than her share of the household - and I need not become a mess just because there is uncertainty in the future with a baby in the picture. I wanted a child desperately, and this is the time to let go and enjoy the present for I will not be pregnant for much longer and I need to understand that life will change - but I will very much be in control of my life no matter what life throws at me. So starting today, I am hoping to consciously change my state of mind. After all, we can control our minds! It just takes some effort. Wish me luck!!
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