Tuesday 24 January 2012

Regrets

Fortunately, I do not have many regrets but I do have two main ones that come back to haunt me to this day. I do occasionally remember damaging my brother's toy and regretting it but the following two are regrets that have consumed me to such a whole extent that if I could somehow change what I have done, I would go back in time and act differently.

I did not invite many of my engineering classmates for my wedding. It would have been great, if I had married much later but I was one of the few who got married within 3 years of our graduation and I was still in touch with most of them when I did not invite them. I had liked a guy in my college who had dumped me and I did not want him to know I was getting married. Looking back, it really would not have mattered as he and I were not really in talking terms or anything and he would never have attended my wedding even if I had invited him along, but the 23 year old me did not invite the rest of my class for that one guy would know I was getting married and I did not want to spend my wedding day in fear of knowing that he might attend it and tease me in front of my husband that I had liked him like a dog all through college. But, in that immature decision, I lost friends - not people that I miss on a daily basis. But when they meet up occasionally to catch up, it always comes down to the fact that I did not invite them to my wedding, and there is always a hesitation whether or not to invite me to theirs. This is a mistake I will always regret because after all we get married once in a lifetime and I should have invited them..

The other regret I have is that, when my aunt died of severe health problems, I probably stayed to comfort my cousin for a total of 30 mins and I did not even wait to see the body come out of the post-martem. I was upset that she had died and due to a small disagreement with my cousin ( the one who had just lost her mom)'s attitude, I decided to not attend her funeral. I realized my mistake days later and tried my level best to cheer her up the entire year as she coped with feeling alone and lost , our relationship has not been the same. She doesn't need to mention it and I do not need to mention it either, but underneath our superficial "hi, how are you?" we both know that I did not bid her mom good-bye when she had moved on from this life and she knows tat I was not there for her at her most vulnerable state.

Today, as I sit at home pregnant, thinking about the kind of child I want to raise , I humbly realize that these two mistakes are the greatest I have ever committed in my life, and there is nothing I can do to change them. Relationships are difficult to maintain as is. But when we make such mistakes, and we want to start over, it is even more difficult and I know I will carry these regrets to my grave!

Thursday 12 January 2012

Random things that DID happen

Well, it has been a while since I last wrote to you so let me fill you in.

Mom fell sick last December. She had to be operated on and now she is doing just fine. What started as an allergic reaction to some meds led to her being hospitalized thanks to the money-making mentalities of some doctors in India (or where I live ). Anyway, after that scare, she is more or less fine. She had a year end trip with her sisters to her home-town to meet her mom and she survived that just fine.

I, on the other hand, had a great trip in Delhi. Bought lots of sweaters for my extended family and must I say that the Taj Mahal was every bit as awe-inspiring as I had ever hoped it would be :) Perhaps, it was the best trip the husband and I have had since our wedding :) It is thus no wonder, that we ended up conceiving a child while we were there :)

Yup! you read that right! I returned from the trip only to find a BFP on my pee-stick two weeks later. :)

So, that's my big news!!!!

I have decided to keep my baby-news a secret for the moment. I have told my folks, in laws, one friend and at work, and a best friend :) But the rest of the family does not know, and I would like to keep this news to myself for a while!!

At least till I get to see my first scan and realize that everything is fine :) fingers crossed!!!

Ever since, I got the confirmation that I am pregnant , I have been very careful about what I eat, and I plan to stay healthy and eat right all through my pregnancy. I hope this plan stays in place..

Well, that's it for now, take care and before I forget, wish you all a happy new year!